Monday, May 11, 2009

Your worlds marry as you get older. It's a damn funny thing. Of course, worlds also fall apart as you get older, but hey, we knew this. A few weeks ago there was a Lost episode entitled "Some Like It Hoth" which had a subplot that had me laughing. It appears Hurley, who is currently unstuck in time somewhere in the 70s, was re-penning the script for The Empire Strikes Back. He was making a valiant effort to change the future so that Return of the Jedi would be a better movie, God bless him. Later in the episode, there is a tearful moment of drama:

MILES: My dad didn’t leave when I was 10. I–I was a baby. I never knew him. And I don’t want to. It’s not happening.

HURLEY: That was Luke’s attitude, too.

MILES: What?

HURLEY: In Empire, Luke found out Vader was his father, but instead of putting away his lightsaber and talking about it, he overreacted and got his hand cut off.

[Gas cap clinks]

HURLEY: I mean, they worked it out eventually, but at what cost? Another Death Star was destroyed, Boba Fett got eaten by the Sarlacc, and we got the Ewoks. It all could’ve been avoided if they’d just, you know, communicated. And let’s face it. The Ewoks sucked, dude.


So Star Trek came out last weekend. It's a prequel, if you didn't know, because we are in the Age of Prequels. It made a bajillion dollars and created a cultural sensation over the past few days, and because I am almost 40 and have two little kids, I missed it. I may sneak out later this week, if I can get away with it between appointments, but (for the same reasons previously stated) I'm not in a desperate hurry. Just like there are white Christmas lights people and colored Christmas lights people, there are Star Trek people and there are Star Wars people -with a certain amount of yard ornaments Lord of the Rings crossover. Neither is better, and all are equally mocked. (Though I personally suspect that one might be more mocked than the other. Not saying which.)

How do the worlds marry? Well, the new Star Trek is made by the creators of Lost. This is a good thing. Every Star Wars fan agrees that all of the Star Trek movies except for Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan have been dopey and plodding. (The movie ended with Spock dying, if you'll recall, and gave us hope that the franchise had died with him, once and for all. It had lived long, and prospered enough.) But putting J.J. Abrams in charge will breathe some life into this franchise the way Eric Stolz did Uma Thurman with that adrenaline syringe in Pulp Fiction, remember?

In a way, this is like your kids marrying your best friends' kids. It sounds like a great idea on the surface, but in reality everyone significant in your life suddenly becomes an in-law, and from there on out it's just inbreeding, genetic deterioration, and uncomfortable holidays arguing about the Christmas lights.

Anyway, it's Sweeps Week, which is a like a mini-age. 24 is going to end for another season, the fate of Jack Bauer yet unknown, (though, strangely, in that other funky dimension called reality, he is contracted for an eighth season) and Lost is going to give us another 7-month cliffhanger: they may or may not explode the atomic bomb that they happen to have in storage under one of those sweet Dharma bungalows. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't ask. No really. Don't bother asking anyone because no one understands a thing that's going on. (WHICH IS WHAT MAKES IT SO FREAKIN' AWESOME!) Exciting as it is, I, for one, am looking forward to the long programming break of summer.

So I'm a Star Wars guy, but probably only because I was born in the 70s. Add ten years to my age and perhaps I'd be a Star Trek guy. Who knows? (But I suspect it's not worth it.)

All that to say, I thought this was 45 seconds of hilarious:

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