Friday, May 8, 2009

In case you're wondering where the stuffed Pluto is, it's in the refrigerator sitting on top of the leftover pasta.

I think it was a couple days before I noticed. I mindlessly moved them over, reaching for the pickles or beer or something, my tunnel-vision finely honed to a pinhole in my lasting tiredness this week. (Alright already! You're tired! Get over it!)

I'm looking forward to this weekend and its promise of the semi-normal. It's the first weekend sans BIG EVENT since February, when the days were shorter and we could while away our time strolling the Costco aisles, watching the big screen tvs and lounging in the patio furniture, inhaling cheese samples... Though Mrs. Ditchman does have to work all day Saturday, diminishing the normal to "semi" levels. Oh well. I predict we'll all be tired all weekend.

The garden is drying out and plants are dying off, so some corrections must be made as a result of the recent heat. This will occupy my spare moments for the next 72 hours. We are officially in DROUGHT EMERGENCY now, and I need to get on top of the sprinkler system. I'm currently buying in to the conspiracy that the local city officials have turned everyone's water pressure down about 20 psi without telling anyone. On a run a few weeks ago I noticed some non-descript white service vans parked by the water towers. Men in dark sunglasses were furtively carrying large wrenches with a certain menacing intent that told passersby not to stare and to keep walking. Anyway, now my tankless water heater doesn't click on for the kitchen sink, since the pressure is so low.

So what'd I do? Got my own wrench and hiked open the release nut on my house's pressure reducer under cover of night, that's what! That'll show 'em! If I disappear and you find that my cel phone is disconnected and these blog posts are suddenly deleted, don't contact the authorities -don't get involved! The conspiracy is too vast! Anyway, I'm hoarding old Sparklett's bottles filled with tap water in my garage. (How else am I going to water my doomsday garden? How else will we survive?)

I'm not crazy.

Have a clandestine weekend! (Meanwhile, don't trust anyone with fake plants.)

P.S. And, there, I fixed it. Everyone happy? Good, because you only get one change and -hey, hasn't that waterfall been running all day? I don't want to have to report you.