Thursday, November 13, 2008

Full moon. You know what that means, eh? Yes, it means Michael Medved dedicates his whole show to conspiracy theories, which is always entertaining, and made work yesterday a tad more pleasant. They covered the end of the Mayan calendar again (someone always does) and this time it was established that the world is going to end because our planet is going to cross paths rather closely with the orbit of Planet X, or "Nibiru", thus causing a realignment of Earth's magnetic poles, widespread climate change, mass devastation, social chaos, an upswing in bomb-shelter sales, etc. ("The scientists are covering it up!")

It's all going down on December 21, 2012 -just to remind you- which also happens to come just after Obama's re-election. Obama, by the way, is the Anti-christ, if you haven't heard. One man phoned in with proof. Yes, amazingly, it's true. The day after the election, the Illinois lottery's "Evening Pick 3" were 6-6-6. What are the odds? Pretty good if you're the Anti-christ, I reckon! If you're the Anti-christ, isn't it all sixes, all the way down? Phone number: three sets of sixes. Birthday: June 6, 1966. Change in pocket: always $6.66. Social Security: more sixes. Someone called in, I think, to proclaim Obama as the Messiah, too, so go figure: he's both. (But isn't it just like the Anti-christ to be so cunningly deceptive like that?) In other news, D.B. Cooper was a transsexual and Sonny Bono was assassinated by hit men. Always a good show.

Sat on the couch this morning with a large cup of coffee, trying to wake up and have a Thursday, and the Little Ditchman leapt on me as I was bringing the wide-brimmed mug up to my mouth -dousing me self and me couch with freshly-poured hot coffee. She didn't even notice that she'd done it. It actually gave my face and torso a mild scalding, causing me to jump up and forcefully contain a yelp, as the rest of the house was still trying to sleep. I said nothing, changed my clothes. On with the day.

Incidentally, isn't it amazing that the great Mayan civilization could astronomically predict the motion of the planets and the end of the world with their mathematically perfect calendar, but never got around to inventing the wheel before they disappeared? Yes, I know: they didn't need to because they had mastered levitation. And the lucky bastards escaped in giant spaceships.