Monday, November 10, 2008

And thus ends our sojourn of paternity leave. Total cost to the family business... really now, shall we go there? We shan't.

It's back to work today. The sun-soaked Southern California heatwaves are behind us, but a few summer-loving holdouts still want their shade, God bless 'em. Even Mrs. Ditchman is heading off to work today, much to the chagrin of everyone in the abode under three who will wait in the car with Granny and a DVD. Look kids, someone's got to pay for those diapers. As long as you refuse to use the potty, we all lose.

Speaking of... It is disarming when you're having coffee, catching some morning news, and you look over to see your little girl standing behind the couch grunting and huffing, trying to fill her shorts. Usually it's best not to interrupt (we fear the potty has been stigmatized, somehow) but with the blood rushing to her face and those little teeth clenched you can't help but ask if everything's coming out all right. No answer. "It's hard sometimes, huh?" The double meanings lost on her (or perhaps not.) "Yeah," she replied. I got up and got another cup of coffee, diuretic that it is.

0 minutes later, half the people in the house had full diapers. I got the big one, mommy got the little one (double meaning, that one.) I think I would have preferred the little one, but I admit I'm still on the blind side of the learning curve with him. The little squirter aims for your nostril as soon as that diaper comes off, and then there's the wrangling around the umbilical stub and the other, ahem, recently lobbed sensitive regions. And, hey, you could lubricate the engine room of the QE2 with all the ointment, goos, adhesives and creams we have around here! I know, I know: it'll all end some day and I'll miss it. Can't I miss it sooner?

The Ditchman Supercomputer is still in the shop, no doubt sitting on some genius' desk waiting to break down. I'm starting to long for its return, but it's possible I got more standing tasks accomplished these past few days in my avoidance of the office desk, so that's good. Still, having all your photo, video, music, address, and web site projects hauled off for an indeterminate period does bring about some dismay, but I suspect we'll survive.

Lileks was perfect today with a post that starts with a good cropping job and a trip to the hardware store with a detour around a drive-thru, riffs around the mid-section with astute Indiana Jones anecdotes, and then wells up to a glistening finish about the man who baptized his daughter. Didn't everybody in America have the same weekend? I hope so. Change? Bah. As long as America has Americans in it, this country is more or less fine the way it is.