Thursday, October 29, 2009

Well, this explains our marital success.

A recent study showed that the couples who were happiest and had the lowest divorce rate were those where the woman was at least five years younger than her husband -- and when she's better educated.
Mrs. Ditchman happens to be five years younger than me, and put that extra year of college under her belt to secure the diploma. Lucky me, today the statistics fall in my favor! (Some days they don't.)

It's one of those articles on one of those websites that has columns entitled "Orgasm of the Week" and, no, I don't read it, I just ended up clicking on links until I found myself in the Internet wilderness, at the foot of a sign in the forest that said my marriage was likely to be successful because I married up. The article also claimed that healthier, happier marriages have more sex in them. (Wow! This just in! And people with more money are less likely to have financial problems and professional male figure skaters are more likely to be gay!)

So, of course, I pointed out to my wife that our marriage is more likely to be successful if we had more sex. She pointed out another study that showed that women were more likely to have sex with their husbands if their husbands did more chores around the house. I said, "Tell me which chores I need to do for sex and I will do them all right now!" To which she just laughed and changed the subject. See? No woman would ever make such a list, because she knows the man would do them. Then she said that she felt bad making me do chores since I work all day anyway and she knew I was too tired. And I agreed, yes, I was usually too tired for chores. "Uh huh," she said, "but you are never too tired for sex!" Well, no, but that's how much I love you! And then she does the big eye-roll and I go back to watching tv because she was washing the dishes at the time and I knew then what wasn't going to be happening later.

As for me, I dream of the day that I have to have sex with my wife in exchange for her mowing the lawn. (She doesn't know how good she has it!) But life is confusing and difficult that way. Which is totally why I married someone smarter than me.