Tuesday, September 29, 2009

So I installed Mac OS X Snow Leopard AND HAVE SEEN NO NOTICEABLE DIFFERENCE. It cost me forty dollars. What did I get? Peace of mind? Rounder, fuller periods? Well, I did notice the ON/OFF switch seems to work a little faster. In the past, if you put the computer to sleep, it seemed to take a few minutes to fluff its pillows and toss in the sheets before it could find that sweet spot on the cyber mattress and settle down. Now it just goes, sleep? okay! and is out. 40 bucks.

They tell me that changes have been made to the internal architecture that will enable the computer to more fully utilize the multi-core systems that were integrated years ago, but have not been totally accessible to programmers. I say, hmm. They say it will make things like video rendering and photo manipulation move smoother, faster. Okay, so this appeals to me. So... anything? Umm, no.

Some say, well, it will have to wait now until the programmers update all of their software. Ahem, didn't we just do that? For forty bucks? Whatever. Fine. I can roll. It's a Mac, after all. Similarly, a few weeks ago we took the car in and the mechanic said that we needed a valve adjustment for a few hundred dollars. We said fine, and drove off trying in vain to ascertain any noticeable difference in engine performance. It was like a water-tasting competition.

Still love my Mac, though! And my iPhone, which I adore. Last night I saw an ad for the iTouch, which was immediately followed by an ad for the Microsoft version of essentially the same thing, and I thought how unwise it was for them to run them back-to-back like that, since the Mac ad was obviously the cooler one. I shrugged it off, of course, since I probably would have bought an iCrap even if it didn't come with its own iTP (which would no doubt be proprietary, and at twice the cost.) I'm a card-carrying Mac-cult member, and now that I have all the cables, I can't get out of the temple.

Not that I would want to. Other cults could be worse. Wait... OMSJ. They are. Here's the 6 minutes of indoctrinating proof, if you can endure the ritualistic hell of...

They can't possibly be serious... can they? Watching this, I am thinking the entire time that it is a parody, like it was made by Christopher Guest (Waiting for Guffman, Best In Show, etc.) but no, IT'S REAL. Lileks pointed out:

If Microsoft had been put in charge of marketing sex, the human race would have ended long ago, because no one would be caught dead doing something that uncool... There can’t be an analogous Mac version of this, because Apple would never presume that people might hold a multi-generational social event to upgrade their system software.
It almost looks like it was produced in the 70s, with its weird, retro, Brady Bunch giddiness that hangs in the set atmosphere like some cheap smoke effect. It makes me think that all those ads from the 40s and 50s that today we laugh at as being so ridiculous, were actually laughed at back then for exactly the same reasons. Honestly, it must be so. No one seems to be getting any wiser.

So there will be no Snow Leopard party. There's nothing to see, really, and I'm moving along. But I am waiting for my November edition of MacWorld to arrive. They sent me a heads-up email the other day, which announced, Snow Leopard is here! And we've got 16 pages of coverage, from Jason Snell's definitive review to a guided tour of the new features, performance testing, and a guide to installing the new OS!

Did I just pee my pants or spill my coffee?