Friday, August 22, 2008

Public service announcement: the radio remote control micro helicopter technology is not there yet. Don't waste your money. I'm on my second one and the thing just spins uncontrollably into the air like a manic, brainless dervish. I want my money back. It was $39.99 and I decided to get it over the $29.99 model because it bragged right there on the box: "the world's most stable indoor R/C helicopter!" I'm on my second one because the first one just didn't respond to the controller. And the second one? Doesn't respond to the controller. Those commercials you've seen with the things totally stable in midair and perfectly negotiating the living room? Modern digital special effects. (Now that technology has arrived. Arrived, wowed, worn out its welcome and refuses to leave.)

I got it for a hilarious campfire skit I had planned for camp, but alas... Anyway, it was a childhood dream of mine to own an R/C helicopter, and seeing the technology arrive and the price come down stoked me beyond belief! Imagine my disappointment. It impresses both the cat and the Little Ditchman with its spontaneous autonomy, but it does nothing it says on the box except blink its lights. There is one label of interest, however. It reads in bright yellow lettering: "R/C aircraft are NOT RETURNABLE if physical damage is present." I kept that in mind. I expect an argument.

My other childhood dream, the saltwater reef tank, is still in disrepair. Though I was able to get the tank's bottom pane replaced I just haven't had the time to piece the whole thing back together (Better! Stronger! Faster!) Mrs. Ditchman, God bless her, went all the way to Huntington Beach to pick up the thing from the shop the other day so I am grateful -but I haven't the time! Meanwhile, my two-year-old has childhood dreams of her own that need tending to. I haven't the heart to tell her wait 36 years. (But the technology is coming!)

Thank you for joining us here at The Most Significant Complaint. Sorry guys, it's been that kind of week. I spend most of my days battling the perpetual bad attitude I was born with, and when I get sick I lose the battle over and over again. I still have a lingering cough, some lower back pain, and a mild fever that comes and goes at whim. I was going to say that it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to work, but I took Monday off and it was so bad, so whatever... But I expect to be at ninety percent tomorrow!

Have a fabulous Saturday and an extraordinary Sunday!