Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Ant Man cometh. Again. We entered into a pact some time ago. I was ready to surrender, but for $40 a month I could get some mercenary forces in who swore they could do the job. Wipe 'em out. Well, the first campaign was on and did a decent job, but the ants had them flanked from the tree, from which they rose again a day or two later. They charged and took the pots on the corner of the patio, and within a few days were sending scouts back into the house. Mercs resumed operations this morning. They were friendly about it, and gleeful even, when another swarm was found out back on a corn stalk. Those sugary roots covered with aphids were as a beacon for the enemy. We took it down.

40 bucks a month gets you some real peace of mind. The Ant Men come every other month, actually, but will show up whenever you call at no extra charge. Whatever it takes, said the man with the pesticidal artillery.

I also spend 40 bucks a month on the security system. And 40 bucks a month on the Sparklett's. And I believe 40 bucks a month on each cel phone, and 40 bucks a month on high speed internet. "40 bucks" must be the amount that marketing research bureaus have found is the cost an average family in the suburbs won't think is too much and will be most willing to pay, but I think I'm getting nickel-and-dimed to death. 40-bucked to death. 40 bucks is also what I would spend to have a gardener mow the lawn and trim back all the plants next to the house that the ants use for entry, but I'm all out of cash. You have to draw the line somewhere. I had the teenager currently living in our house do it.

This teenager sits and stares at MySpace all day long (and by that I mean on my computer which is actually my space.) He has to be dragged off it. When he got home from camp, he went straight to the computer and began myspacing out, and he's been trippin' ever since. Last night we got a few phone calls from other campers who wanted to talk to him. They chatted on the phone, while they both stared at MySpace. My, how the Internet brings people together. He leaves Saturday. I'll get my space back.

I've been watching the Olympics. Mrs. Ditchman loves it. What do I think about it? Well, I think we could do without synchronized diving. Sure, it's neat to watch and all, but if only 20 people in the world do it, it's not a sport, it's a novelty, as in "something intended to be amusing as a result of its new or unusual qualities". Somehow I don't see ancient civilizations competing in synchronized diving (or synchronized anything, for that matter.) Call me when golf is an Olympic event. Or surfing. Is racketball one? Oh well. Look for the HALO event in 2012. (I am happy for that Phelps kid, though.)