Friday, May 2, 2008

Okay, so I did it, I shaved the cat's butt. You would, too, if you owned an aged Persian and he was bringing poo danglers into your bed every night and spreading used kitty litter around the living room, up and down the stairs, onto the coffee table, on the couch. We've all just about had enough. He didn't much like it, by the way, I got pretty scratched up. Can't say that I blame him.

Actually, he doesn't make it up onto the bed much lately. It might be that he's too old and frail, but it also might be that the fur is so matted between his legs that he can't make the leap without yanking himself. It's all small hops nowadays, and fewer leaps and bounds than the days of his youth. This is why he's up on the coffee table. It's a stepping stone to the couch.

So there's cat litter everywhere and it's awful. And when that stuff gets wet, it gets gooey. And then he steps in it, or near it, with that thick fur. And then he leaves paw prints. Gooey, wet, cat-urine and litter paw prints up and down the stairs, across the hardwood floor. I had to shave between his toes on his paws. And I shaved his butt. You would too.

Woke up this morning at 4 AM. The Little Ditchman was just up. "Hi Daddy. Sit on the floor." No, kid. Is that all? Go back to sleep. And then I woke up a few hours later with the sparrow banging on the window. I kid you not.

I don't know why this little bird does this. Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. Yesterday he got sick of me in the afternoon and moved to the guest room window. Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. Today he's back. Oy, these animals. They're all cute and cuddly for a time, until you realize just how wild and unrefined they are -if Rocky licked his butt like a normal cat, I wouldn't have to shave it! And there's bird crap all over my windowsill!

The Little Ditchman is into Curious George. We watch George in the mornings now after that other animal infatuation show, Zoboomafoo. Today on Curious George, George got locked in a zoo. A monkey! Locked in a zoo! He inadvertently let all the animals out. Stupid monkey! I mean, seriously, get that thing back home in the city where he belongs! We have a book, too, Curious George Visits the Zoo. The plot is that a little boy loses his balloon when it is stolen by a bunch of monkeys in the monkey cage. George saves the day by stealing bananas from the zookeeper and distracting the monkeys with them, while he grabs the boy's balloon back. Huh? What are we teaching our kids here? It doesn't make a lot of sense. Curious George and the Rocket I can handle. There's at least a kernel of truth in there. But the truth about monkeys is that at the zoo they often throw their poop at you. I doubt we'll be seeing that on a cartoon anytime soon, but in this day and age you never know. Look for it in Shrek 4.

No, seriously, I love animals. They're cute, funny, wacky little creatures. Some of them are beautiful, some of them can be trained to do entertaining things, and some of them taste good. But are we teaching kids the right stuff, here? I'm just asking. At the end of Zoboomafoo there's a kid that comes on and says something like how you shouldn't go messing with animals unless an adult says it's okay. Thank you. And at the end of Curious George, there's always a message from another kid that says "George is a monkey so he can do things that kids shouldn't do." Disclaimers! On kid's shows! I'm going to try this parenting method. Next time I do something stupid or bad, I'm just going to turn to my kid and say, "Don't do this."

Just look at the smile on that little monkey's face. Ha ha ha, how cute! Silly monkey! Now, stop huffing the ether!