Friday, December 19, 2008

Lileks: I don’t know why they say “busy as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest,” because he would have fallen over right away and been six arses behind by the time he got up. “Busy as a two-legged man in a butt-kicking contest mostly dominated by four-legged men” would be more accurate, especially if the four-legged guys were configured so they could simultaneously kick in three directions. Right? But then it would be difficult to imagine how anyone would have kickable butts. So they’d have to bring in people to be the kicked butts. Can’t see how that would work. Unless they were running around, trying to avoid the four-legged ass-kickers. You couldn’t blame them.

See what genius is going on over there at his blog? I mean, this is the stuff I wonder about all day long.

I'm not that busy. I'm busy in my head with everything I want to get done, but I'm not that busy. I take it easy. I sit and think about the next thing I'm going to do and then I'm handed one of the children. When I set them down, I forgot where I was going and then sit down to think about it. And then one of the children starts crying or is handed back to me. So this has been a December of only perceived accomplishment. Nothing's getting done, but I think about it all the time.

It's cold. Last night I had a dream where I was standing at the edge of San Francisco bay in the middle of the night. I was dressed down to my skivvies, getting ready to jump in the bay for a freezing winter swim when a throng of people arrived with a news crew. They were there to cover this old man in a swimmer's cap who was going to be the first to dive in for the "San Francisco Bay Winter Nights Polar Bear Event". The brazen old guy began to make a speech, and then I jumped in before him. The crowd gasped.

Did I mention that I can see snow from my house? It's right there in the hills. Feels much closer, as the heating unit is on the brink. It will work hard for a time, a few days maybe, and then just fall into a lapse like its owner, forgetting where it was going, like, what was I doing? Oh yeah, heating the house! Unplugging and plugging the thing usually works, but that involves ladders and climbing up into the attic and shuffling all the boxes around. Last night it occurred to me that I could just go to the electrical panel outside and flip the breaker on and off, which is when the unit decided to break in an entirely different way, so back into the attic for me it was. Seems I have a faulty Control Valve, and sheeeeeitt -I coulda told you that! I know this because I counted the blinking red lights and looked up the code. What do I know about control valves? This: it's probably just got itself stuck because of dust or something. So I whacked it. On it came. Heat all night, not like last night.

We had a FROST ADVISORY (Yes, I know. In Oceanside.) so I made all this business with the heater a priority. Anyway, we're all still sick here, so being cold was not something we could tolerate any further. I blame the kids for the illness. Which ones? All of them, including yours. If someone had told me I was going to be sick this much after we had kids I might have just moved to Spain right then and there. I guess I could still move to Spain. It'd be warmer. And Spain has less children, I believe. Maybe after Christmas.

Well, I've got to go haul aluminum around the world. Better get a move on...

Quick note: this morning my sister went to the hospital to have a baby! Just thought I'd mention it. We're praying for her and looking forward to hearing the news. (Here's to Friday baby deliveries being better and more reliable than Friday construction work!)

Have a winter wonderland weekend!