Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Election Day. I jogged past my polling place this morning, just to see the turnout (mild) and confirm the location. Then I went back later all sweaty, wearing red (my gang colors) and stinking up the neighbor's garage with my bad self, like a good republican. This is California, where you can't get a republican on the ballot, since there's only ten of us and since those spaces go to the top two vote-getters anyway. So here, instead of getting to choose between country and rock and roll, you get to choose between country and western. But it's also trash night. So you can actually count on something getting done.

Mrs. Ditchman is running for PTA president, not that she campaigned. She was vice president until the president showed up late to the last fundraiser, and then just to post selfies on Instagram, so that president was kindly asked to step down, before the cries of IMPEACH! reverberated from the walls of the teachers lounge. The principal was already referring to Mrs. Ditchman as Ms. President before election day, and one of the ladies in the office told her she wasn't going to congratulate her, but that she was just going to thank her. Politics is local.

I just laugh. But this morning I went to get some coffee and poured myself more than my fair share and we got into a bit of a row about it. But she always pours herself the last cup and then never finishes it! Just leaves it sitting there on the counter, getting cold! Previously rendered undrinkable by that nasty Coconut CoffeeMate! Defiled! So I announced I wasn't voting for her. I led the children in a loud, rhythmic chant: "DON'T VOTE FOR MOMMY - SHE DRINKS ALL THE COFFEE!" Gin up the base. Politics is local.

It's a two-year stint. She's the best they got. Everyone was relieved. She has my utter and complete admiration. I'll make the coffee.

I'm looking forward to this election season being over, although the 2020 presidential election season begins tomorrow. I'm looking forward to all the emails, brochures, robocalls, and political ads coming to a halt for a while, even though this is THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION IN HISTORY! You know, until next week.

But I admit to being a (lightweight) political junkie. I like reading about the issues, watching the strategy, the gamesmanship, following some of the polls, following the bellwether states. It's like a furious, massive multiplayer video game. Complete with all the goofball gamertags, errant bomb-throwing, fiendish emotes, and lucky breaks you'd see on Call of Duty or Battlefront. Very entertaining.

And the ultimate reality show. Tonight is the season finale, so I am going to barbecue some blood-red steaks, pour out a nice full-bodied, deep red wine, remind myself of the time zone map, and sit back and watch the returns.

The PTA vote is at 6. It's going to be a blowout.