It's Easter weekend! That's the Ditchman holiday where an army of our peeps descend on the compound. I will be making two hams.


No, not those peeps, thank the Holy Host, I mean my family -which is my mom and six siblings, including the half of them that are married and have two kids each, like me. And then there's Mrs. Ditchman's spry battalion. Add a small company of friends in there and we'll be goosestepping it all Sunday. Here's hoping for good weather!

So today is clean-the-house day. I assign myself to the Dept. of Flora and Fauna, which plays to my strengths. Responsibilities include mowing the lawn and cleaning the fish tank. Also, I should pick up after the tortoises and brush the cat and look in the pond to see if the new goldfish haven't been ravaged by those menacing herons that have been circling above the cul-de-sac. (No seriously, they're like Pterodactyls. They extend their six foot wingspan and take out all the garden ornaments.) I'd like to get out and get a new patio umbrella and a few flowers today, too, but the fetching Mrs. Ditchman might have conflicting mission assignments for me.

I have the day off, thank the Trinity. I don't know how I'd do it otherwise. I'm spent and exhausted and lay in bed all night last night with a headache, too tired to get up and asprinize myself. Pathetic. Also, I will drain the spa. The spa is overrun by frogs, interestingly. Why they gravitate to that warm, vibrating tub of chemicals in the backyard is completely beyond me. I usually pluck them out and toss them in the pond where they belong. About midair I realize that the temperature change between the two bodies of water is near fifty degrees, and most likely will induce a tiny amphibious heart attack. This probably explains the lack of tadpoles in the pond. Sorry, frogs.

Family is coming from American places far east and far west of here. One set from Hawaii and one set from D.C., and a couple from Vegas baby and a set from beyond the Orange Curtain -so we had better make it a good meal. I'm looking forward to whipping up a couple of ham glazes. Isn't everyone?

Have a light and sweet weekend!

Easter treat: see how peeps are made!

All we are saying, is give peeps a chance...

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