UNBELIEVABLE. I am a fantastic horse's ass for being such a doubter. I was all set to do the whole I-told-you-so write-up today when the Woz pulls out the most stunning upset in primetime television since... well... pick anything.

I guess he does have it in him after all. (Must be all that deft Segway training he does on the side.) But to think that he has had the most consistently low scores of any dancer in any season, and then to come out last night and blow everyone away. It was, man... it was nothing but a testament to the comeback human spirit that lies in wait within all of us.

The best part was when he was asked about his successful performance and he whipped out his iPhone to show off the new DWTS app he downloaded, which had every move of every dance in that little quickstepping series of graphics. That was hilarious. "Seriously, I couldn't have done it without the iPhone," he proclaimed, in a masterful bit of blatant unashamed marketing.

The most surprised was Woz's partner, Karina Smirnoff, who had a stunned look on her face during most of the dance, amazed that the computer geek was pulling it off. “I’ve never had so much chemistry with somebody dancing on the floor,” Karina said after the dance. Right. And then, intent on overstating what was already overstated, she added, “I didn’t even see anybody else in the ballroom but you. You’re amazing.”

So, clearly, I am no clairvoyant when it comes to reality-based tv shows disguised as dance competitions. Unfortunately for everyone involved, I'm going to have to keep covering these events until all the Mac addicts in the world stop voting for the guy. Please. I implore thee. Spare us. Spare us all.

Tom Conroy, still reporting from his torture chamber in Gitmo, does the real brave reporting here.


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