NEW MAC UPDATE

At 10:14 PM on Wednesday, November 7th, the package data was transmitted to FedEx. At 5:18 PM yesterday the package itself was picked up in Anaheim -this is just about when I quit building for the day and rushed home to wait for it to arrive, but it was not to be. For at 5:46 it arrived at the FedEx location where it sat for eight hours. It was probably on the loading dock, with the FedEx employees sitting on the box, flipping cards and smoking cigarettes. At about 1:01 AM this morning those guys finally got up off their lazy backsides and left Anaheim and were last reported in transit at 1:13AM in the City of Industry. I got up at 5:30 this morning in eager anticipation -I wanted to greet the delivery guy at the door, invite him in, offer him some coffee...

As the coffee gurgled through the percolator, I noticed something strangely afoot outside. In the dim morning twilight I saw a few hundred mature crows amassed on the rooftops of all the neighbor's houses. Autumnal scarecrow decorations nearby having no effect. This Hitchcockian omen cannot bode well for such a Friday, one originally filled with enthused hope and eager anticipation...

It's 8:00 now. The crows have moved on, but still no computer. Do you think everything is okay? I mean, it's only about an hour and half drive from the City of Industry. There might have been traffic. But wait, no, it was pretty early... -you don't think... no... NO! I'm sure they're fine. The truck's not on fire and the Mac hasn't rolled into a ditch somewhere around Camp Pendleton, right? I need to clear my mind. Maybe I should go for a run. I'll make sure my wife isn't leaving the house while I'm out.

UPDATE - 9:30AM:

Still not here. Got back from my neighborhood 5k circuit a full minute faster than my current PR when I heard that Mrs. Ditchman was heading out to Jazzercise. Mac still in transit. Prayers requested for the FedEx driver. Won't shower until Mrs. Ditchman returns. Will pass time standing idly in the yard, raking the same pile of leaves over and over.

UPDATE - 11:03AM:

Drank all the coffee. Moved on to Coca-Cola. Shaking in raw anticipation. Showered with the bathroom door open so I could hear the delivery guy. Panicked when I was sitting on the toilet and heard a rumble coming from down the street. Ran out front in my boxer shorts and toilet paper, only to be greeted by a diminutive school bus full of down syndrome kids.

UPDATE - 12:24PM:

Googling "flocking crows" to pass the time -working with the old dinosaur so my first experience with the new one will feel like saddling up and riding lightning! Another rumble from down the street and my heart skips a beat -I know a diesel engine when I hear one! CURSES! It's the UPS guy dropping off something for my neighbor. Why didn't Apple go with UPS? What's the deal? Sending angry Email to steve.jobs@apple.com.

UPDATE - 1:11PM:

The FedEx guy is here! What's this? That package is much too small to be a Mac... wait a minute... he's going to the neighbor's! Again with the neighbor and his god-forsaken wine clubs and Ginzu knives! Okay, delivery guy's going back in the truck, now. No -No! He's firing up the van and pulling away from the curb! DUDE! HOLD IT!

I see him look up at me in the office as he drives by, and I can tell by the whites of his eyes that's he's scanning for addresses... yes, he's pulling around and slowing... stopping... he's fumbling around in back now... struggling with something...

YES! GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN, YES! PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW! (he sings exuberantly) MAY THE ANGELS HOLD MY PEN STEADY AS I SIGN FOR IT!


1:12PM:

Late for work.

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